Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
