i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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