I can text with my tongue
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
