i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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