just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
