and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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