If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
