rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
OPIZZABONMYDICK
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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