3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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