420 ftw
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
