census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
