I got chris browned last night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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