i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
