It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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