he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize