I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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