nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
