I am spending my child support on dildos
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
