It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
