Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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