and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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