OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
