dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
