Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
