there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
