non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
