How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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