I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
