My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
