I want to walk on stilts...naked
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
