how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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