I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
