Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
did i just pee glitter
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
