Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
