I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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