you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
