the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
