if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
