Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
