Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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