I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
