I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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