So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
