If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
