Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
