He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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