I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
