He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
accomplished twins. life is a go
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
