Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
