Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
