I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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