my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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