You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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