if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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