Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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