In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
