It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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