I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
