Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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