i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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