Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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