pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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