i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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