In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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