hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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