hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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