Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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