and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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