I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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