Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize