I have demons in me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
