Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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