What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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