Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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