I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i dont even know how to be here
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Text me some of your sweat
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
