you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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