Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
