i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
