I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
