Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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