Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
