Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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