do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
