Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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