is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
