Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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